In your inaugural journey to the skanky desert jewel of the usA, count on to adore it—particularly in the event you, like us, are predisposed to recklessness with cube, staying out till daylight, “doubling down” as an idea, and customarily loving something super-deluxe.

A couple of months in the past, VICE employees descended on Vegas tasked with writing a journey information for the “bro, we celebration AND go there…”–ass publication that we love and are employed by. Within the days main as much as our journey, we steeled ourselves for 5 full days of mayhem. And it’s no shock that Vegas is rigorously insane—however we discovered loads of sensible strategies for bopping by way of town’s lurid unreality to have a so-fun-it-felt-sacred time. 

Now, Las Vegas can mainly do no matter it desires with you, it doesn’t matter what you intend. So a giant piece of surviving town is slicing down on the “Oh no, I’m dying?” feeling so as to maintain and gasoline the “Woo, I’m DYING!! TO LIIIIVE!!!!!” feeling that all of us got here for within the first place. You simply want somewhat pragmatism to information you within the sheer RECREATION and SPLENDOR of all of it (with out ending up broke or damaged).  That is what pinned our ft to the bottom as we surfed the warmth, derangement, and elation of Las Vegas—we hope it helps you get your bearings on the market, too. —Amy Rose Spiegel, deputy editor

1. Whenever you’re out and about at night time… develop into The Bullshitter. Minimize the road, lie about being on the checklist, and faux out indignantly leaving when not one of the above work. As soon as we huffily turned to go after we have been denied entrance to a megaclub, they allow us to in immediately.

2. Stroll the Strip one (1) time, after which by no means once more. Ideally, you’ll knock this out proper after you get to Vegas with a large Miller Lite in hand. (Purchase it at CVS, which sells the most cost effective beer on the Strip.) Making that trek on foot offers you a great lay of the land, and a possibility to see all the massive, bougie locations you’ll acknowledge from films like Ocean’s 11—The Bellagio! Caesars Palace! MGM Grand!—together with the varied characters who populate Las Vegas Boulevard: gaggles of girls in elaborate showgirl costumes; two previous guys doing “Veterans’ Karaoke” on a pedestrian bridge; rapping youngsters who ought to most likely be at school however are absolutely not; and so forth. It’s form of enjoyable the primary time you do it, however, after that, the ocean of sweaty our bodies and cheesy chain eating places turns into borderline nauseating. It’s lots like Occasions Sq.. Get in, get out, and by no means do it once more.

3. In case you’re new to playing, get your ft moist in Fremont, a gritty, neon-soaked neighborhood about six miles from the Strip. The casinos there are stocked with low-minimum tables: You may wager as few as 5 bucks on blackjack, roulette, et al., whereas most casinos on the Strip pressure you to fork over at the least $25 per hand/roll/spin/what have you ever, if no more. Heat up at El Cortez, a small, darkish, vaguely seedy joint that’s been open since 1941, which has a particular place in our hearts a) as a result of it rips and b) as a result of considered one of us received $180 there. Then amble throughout the road to the Golden Nugget, a glitzier spot with funky carpeting, outlandish lighting fixtures, and a wider choice of video games than you’ll discover at El Cortez. 

4. Respect the solar and its way of life, which, like yours, will most likely be much more excessive in Vegas than at dwelling. How your days and nights go can be wholly contingent on the way you account for the warmth, so you possibly can’t simply wing it towards 101° climate. At the very least two of us discovered this the arduous manner after straight-up scorching in a wave pool after which having to spend the remainder of the day taking chilly showers and likewise in mattress due to debilitating sunburns and warmth exhaustion. Prioritize shade every time attainable. Be militant about SPF upkeep. DRINK ELECTROLYTES. 

5. Some miscellaneous money-focused issues to keep away from (additional) value gouging: Purchase cigarettes, alcohol, water, and snacks outdoors of the casinos and massive resorts. Convey your personal sunscreen for the above-mentioned heat-preparedness (we paid $60 for 2 spray cans in a resort—don’t be us!!). Additionally don’t pay for drinks at casinos—you don’t must in the event you’re playing, or if a good friend is—however do closely tip the servers who’re bringing you free ones on a tray. Fuel stations are your bro, and your cab/Lyft will cease for you in the event you’re courteous and tip closely. (Not a variety of strolling tradition right here. Take Lyft, not Uber—locals have been FIRM about it for causes we nonetheless don’t perceive, however we abide by native knowledge.)

6. Don’t purchase medicine on the membership, and in the event you can’t at the least get them from a good friend of a good friend, don’t trouble. There’s anecdotally plenty of faux and laced coke round, and in the event you’re not native, it’s arduous to know in the event you’re getting something near semi-pure.  The upside: Even once you’re sober, Vegas seems like pure cocaine. And weed/edibles are high-quality (and legal, as long as you’re 21)—one supply strongly beneficial the Henderson location of RISE Dispensaries.

7. CASH IS KING. Holding a restricted provide of money readily available can be a pure cut-off level in the event you’re the form of one who turns into a giant spender 5 (free) G&Ts deep. Plus, you’re going to run into a variety of spots with massive fats ATM charges, so arriving with a stack of payments may find yourself saving you in the long term. 

8. Pack equal elements sensibly and delusionally. Costume such as you’re dressing for Miami, however with extra dice-print clothes and blue, mirrored wrap-around Oakleys. Plan, over all, to put on as little as attainable (that will even make suitcase room for extra pairs of attractive footwear). Camp works NOWHERE like it really works in Vegas: Probably the greatest outfits we noticed was a silk Burberry caftan worn with a straw fedora festooned with an enormous diamanté dragonfly brooch obscuring the entire a part of the hat that wasn’t the brim. Sounds unforgivable at dwelling; was unforgettable within the taxi line outdoors of Caesars Palace.

9. Ask locals for suggestions. A few of our favourite locations in Vegas have been these we found on the bottom, by way of conversations with regulars, bartenders, inveterate gamblers, and folks who’ve lengthy referred to as Vegas dwelling. They know what’s cool, what sucks, and what was cool however sucks now that some new proprietor took it over and gut-renovated it. Write down the spots they suggest in a operating checklist, and flag them in Google Maps

10. On playing: Determine how a lot cash you’re prepared to lose, and the way a lot you need to win. Then follow these numbers. It’ll hold you from getting unhappy bizarre since you blew an irresponsible amount of money on the craps desk, and offer you a concrete benchmark for when to stop whilst you’re forward. Set a nightly goal—e.g., successful $100, or shedding  $200—and in the event you hit one, get the hell out of there. 

11. Additionally on playing: If, like VICE’s Drew Schwartz, you don’t have a lot expertise with it, examine up on a number of video games earlier than you get to Vegas. He spent two or three nights earlier than his journey watching—and, considerably concerningly, falling asleep to after which dreaming about—craps tutorial movies made by a man who runs a YouTube channel referred to as Color Up, in addition to reviewing some literature on blackjack and consulting his dad, who loves roulette, about possibly win cash at roulette. Even that minimal quantity of preparation allowed him to stroll into the on line casino with a baseline understanding of the video games and some primary methods to maintain him from shedding all his cash in like 20 minutes. 

12. A last be aware on playing: Play pai-gow. Play the shit out of it. And at all times put a greenback on the button. We don’t have the area to clarify what “put a greenback on the button” means, nor to clarify how pai-gow works—you can learn the ropes here—however simply belief us: It guidelines so, so arduous.

13. Don’t count on town to cater to your well being. Pack an empty water bottle and a provide of path combine and dried fruit in your carry-on for backup. And take a while to do some stretching or a lightweight body weight exercise in your resort room earlier than you head out for the day. Your physique is unquestionably not going to thanks for something you do in Vegas, however you’ll really feel rather less deranged on the airplane or automotive journey dwelling in the event you’re maintaining some semblance of a wellness routine. 

14. Tip typically, tip heavy. Man who hailed you a taxi? Tip him. The girl who watched you lose $200 in 10 minutes on the blackjack desk? Tip her. The cleaners of your disgust-o, trashed resort room? Tip the shit out of them. In case you’re throwing extra cash round than common, let that additionally apply to getting individuals paid! It’s at all times gonna be the precise factor to assist out the individuals serving to YOU have an incredible time in Grownup Disney World. 

15. All the time lookup. Indoors, Vegas has the very biggest ceilings within the nation: butterfly chandeliers (on the Bellagio), unselfconscious Cupid frescoes (at The Little White Chapel, and likewise in all places), gilded skies above in each room you enter. And it’s even higher outdoors—massive streaks of robin’s egg and tangerine, relying on the time of day.

16. In case you’re trying to exit on an evening that’s let’s say… non-traditional (aka Sunday or Monday—all the things else is the weekend), verify the hours of the spots you need to hit. Vegas may need an all-party, on a regular basis status, however among the larger spots on the Strip and bars in cool neighborhoods like Chinatown and the Arts District shut sooner than you would possibly count on (suppose 10 p.m. as an alternative of three a.m.). 

17. In case you keep in Vegas lengthy sufficient, you’ll most likely hit a degree once you really feel like in the event you drink one other vodka soda, or stroll by way of one other on line casino, or see one other large video advert for the Blue Man Group, you’re going to blow up. Whenever you want an escape, go to Red Rock Canyon, a Nationwide Conservation Space about half-hour from the Strip. It’s a balm for the soul. Craggy, windswept towers of sandstone, the colour of purple clay, jut out of the desert. You may scramble up the rocks, which rose from the earth some 66 million years in the past, and snake your manner by way of the crevices that carve them aside. For a totally transcendent expertise, lease a automotive—ideally a convertible—and reserve a timed slot to drive the 13-mile scenic route that winds by way of the canyon. Make a playlist of the prettiest music —which, for us, sounded like this—and let it wash over you whilst you gaze out on the rock partitions throughout you, awestruck, getting goosebumps, marveling at how lovely the world could be.

Comply with Katie Way, Drew Schwartz, and Amy Rose Spiegel on Twitter.

This story is a part of The VICE Guide to Las Vegas, a no-holds-barred journey by way of the skanky desert jewel of the usA. 


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